i knew i would give up sooner or later

but that doesn't mean i have given up on other things. it has been quite awhile since i posted on this blog. it is soooo hard for me to pay attention to it. i get all amped on blog stuff for a couple weeks, then it slowly gets pushed to the back. and then BAM, it's no where on the priority list at all. this is me, trying to shuffle it back to the front. lots of things have been going on. mainly me trying to stay busy. and i have been pretty successful in packing the schedule to the brim. lots of snowboarding, hanging with friends, running. i am up to ten miles. i was doing a 25 miles a week pace, then i got really sick. not a cold. because that i can run through. a debilitating cough, chest pressure, goo producing sickness. which i am still not over. ugh. but, i have since signed up for the la jolla half marathon on april 25th. so i have to keep running. i have been taking it easy this week and last, but i am itching to get back. it's strange. i never ever EVER pictured myself to be a runner. yeah, i was running every couple of days, but 3 miles was pretty much killing me. now i am up to ten mile runs. i am still in a state of shock when i say that. i guess it just goes to show you can do anything. hell. 5 months ago i was smoking a pack and a half of cigarettes a day. NOW I AM GOING ON TEN MILE RUNS. ha. i rule at life. running has actually turned into a type of therapy for me. you see, work isn't going so well. i could complain, whatever, but for the time being, i will search for a new job in a not so new job friendly economy and run. i run because it melts away the stress of the day. i run because it helps me forget the sadness of matty being gone and helps me recognize what we have to look forward to when he gets back. i run because it gives me time to think. i run because with every step i take, a little bit of the negativity goes away, and the positive aspects of life comes to me with a stunning clarity. a slow and simple transformation of what kind of person i want to be. i run to move forward, but at the same time away.