updatelldooya

well. running. i am going to attempt a 13 mile run on saturday. which will put me at a 40 mile week. wha? i don't even think i drive 40 miles in a typical week. that is pretty spectacular. every time i do something that amazes me (i know) i go back and think about how only 5 months ish ago i was smoking a pack and a half of cigarettes a day. and it amazes me even more. the part that is bothering me, is the fact that i can't stop talking about it. i am sure my friends are sick of hearing about my running. but are too nice to say it. but i know, because i keep hearing myself talk about me me me and it is starting to bug.

on another note. i met with a counselor about going back to city college to get my accounting degree. i have been looking for a job, with no luck. so, screw it. i'm gonna go back to school. i can do my gen ed stuff, then decide if i wanna get my associates or transfer to a state college. and, AND if I decide to go full time, i can try out for the soccer team. hahaa. this amuses me, as i am sure a 27 year old playing on a city college sports team would be funny. so, here's to hoping i can get a summer class. if i can't, i have that asshole arnold to thank.

on even yet another note, there are only 12 weekends left until matty comes home. i can't even begin to say how much i miss him. i miss the little things we used to do together. like lay in bed and listen to the rain. or sit on the porch in the sunshine. or the bickering in the frozen food aisle about how he can't eat "pizza sandwiches" every day for dinner.

he has been gone for 17 weeks. and every day i get closer.

merh

i miss this man more than words can say. we are officially over the hump. 4 months down, 3 to go. and it can't go by fast enough.

i knew i would give up sooner or later

but that doesn't mean i have given up on other things. it has been quite awhile since i posted on this blog. it is soooo hard for me to pay attention to it. i get all amped on blog stuff for a couple weeks, then it slowly gets pushed to the back. and then BAM, it's no where on the priority list at all. this is me, trying to shuffle it back to the front. lots of things have been going on. mainly me trying to stay busy. and i have been pretty successful in packing the schedule to the brim. lots of snowboarding, hanging with friends, running. i am up to ten miles. i was doing a 25 miles a week pace, then i got really sick. not a cold. because that i can run through. a debilitating cough, chest pressure, goo producing sickness. which i am still not over. ugh. but, i have since signed up for the la jolla half marathon on april 25th. so i have to keep running. i have been taking it easy this week and last, but i am itching to get back. it's strange. i never ever EVER pictured myself to be a runner. yeah, i was running every couple of days, but 3 miles was pretty much killing me. now i am up to ten mile runs. i am still in a state of shock when i say that. i guess it just goes to show you can do anything. hell. 5 months ago i was smoking a pack and a half of cigarettes a day. NOW I AM GOING ON TEN MILE RUNS. ha. i rule at life. running has actually turned into a type of therapy for me. you see, work isn't going so well. i could complain, whatever, but for the time being, i will search for a new job in a not so new job friendly economy and run. i run because it melts away the stress of the day. i run because it helps me forget the sadness of matty being gone and helps me recognize what we have to look forward to when he gets back. i run because it gives me time to think. i run because with every step i take, a little bit of the negativity goes away, and the positive aspects of life comes to me with a stunning clarity. a slow and simple transformation of what kind of person i want to be. i run to move forward, but at the same time away.